Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka
(Shortened intro) NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (long pause) So, it's come to this. (Footage of the following film that surprisingly exists is shown) NC (vo): Tom and Jerry and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. That's a lot of "and"s for this title. And one of them should clearly not be there at goddamn all! (Cut to shots of Tom and Jerry and the original ''Willy Wonka in order)'' NC (vo): I like Tom and Jerry. I like Willy Wonka. But similar to welcomely-divorced parents, just because I like them individually, does not mean they shouldn't stay miles away from each other. NC: I talked about Willy Wonka and Tom and Jerry... (Cut to the title cards for the NC's respective reviews on both Tom and Jerry and ''Willy Wonka from way back when)'' NC (vo): ...at great lengths on this show... (Cut back to this crossover film) NC (vo): ...so it figures we should look over their latest cash grab of inconvenience. NC: And for those not aware, this is not the first time something like this has happened with Tom and Jerry. (Cut to a montage of shots and footage of films showing Tom and Jerry (and other MGM cartoon characters) inexplicably appearing in cartoon versions of classic films, starting with ''Tom and Jerry: Robin and His Merry Mouse)'' NC (vo): They've taken a strange direction in the past couple of years, in that... there is no direction. (Cut to footage of another film merging MGM cartoon characters with a classic movie: ''Tom and Jerry & The Wizard of Oz – oh, yeah, that happened!)'' NC (vo): They're now tied in with classic stories turned into classic films, despite their being absolutely no connection. They're almost line for line, they just somehow sneak Tom and Jerry into there. NC: Nobody cared too much, as these properties were so big and so overused that nothing really seemed that surprising. (Cut back to footage of the Tom and Jerry ''Willy Wonka movie)'' NC (vo): But something about this one drove the Internet bonkers, maybe because... (Cut to posters for the two ''Willy Wonka movies)'' NC (vo): ...cinematically, Willy Wonka has only two versions. (Cut to a montage of still shots of the original movie) NC (vo): And, even though it's for kids, it still holds a slightly cynical edge that seems to be strangely contemporary, even though it came out years and years ago... (Cut to a quick montage of images of this film spoofed in pop culture: the Marilyn Manson album "Smells Like Children"; Pawtucket Pat from ''Family Guy; "Fry and the Slurm Factory", an episode of Futurama)'' NC (vo): ...being lovingly satirized and referenced even today. (Cut back to another montage of clips from the Tom and Jerry ''Willy Wonka movie)'' NC (vo): So, is this the film to suck out that unique edge from a timeless classic? NC: (hesitantly) Well... yeah. This is Tom and Jerry and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. (The film begins, with a classic Tom and Jerry title card, with the T&J theme playing) NC: (grinning) Oh, it's just like watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon! This should make all the Willy Wonka fans happy! (Cut back to the film title: now it resembles the opening to ''Willy Wonka, with chocolate flowing in the background, while "Pure Imagination" plays in the background)'' NC (vo): Oh, it's just like watching Willy Wonka! This should make all the Tom and Jerry fans happy! (Becomes frustrated and holds up two fingers) You see the problem, you first two seconds?! (The opening credits are played along with the original film's credits to prove it's an exact animated version of them) NC (vo): Yep. This is mostly a shot-for-shot retelling of the original film. Christ, I thought I gave the Beauty and the Beast reboot a hard time! NC: Though, at least, everybody can sing in this one. (The movie begins with Tom and Jerry, as always, chasing and hurting each other in the streets of a small town) NC (vo): Funny enough, the opening is... funny enough. Yeah, Tom and Jerry do some slapstick, chasing each other round, looking for food, and it's... not badly done. Even Tom's scream seems humorously appropriate. (Cut to one scene in the film, where Tom and Jerry sneak into a building. The window closes on Tom, making him scream loudly. Jerry stuffs a pot with a small tree in Tom's mouth to shut him up) NC (vo): But Jerry escapes into a candy store, and... NC: ...with no tie-in or even introduciton... NC (vo): ...the "Candy Man" song begins! (The shop owner, Bill, sings the song as the kids gather round him) Bill: (singing) Who can take a sunrise? / Sprinkle it with dew? NC: Why, this is as well-woven as a web that's trying to ensnare and kill you. NC (vo): 'Come on, it's a shot-for-shot remake and you couldn't even animate ''(clip of...) that kid getting thwacked with the counter? (Cut to clip of the aforementioned scene fully animated) '''NC (vo): Wait, spoke too soon. (creeped out) This is already weird... (Cut to scene of Tom setting off a mousetrap which was inside of a bowl full of candy) NC: Who puts a mousetrap in candy? The Candy Man's a psycho! NC (vo): Something else that you'll notice is that, for what it is, the animation clearly has effort put into it. It's colourful, smooth, gets chunks of the slapstick right... It's not half bad. NC: But then you realise it's not half good, either. (Cut to clips of deformed-looking animation from the film) NC (vo): As for all its talent, it still looks rushed out. And, most likely, there was no time to redo a drawing if one looks slightly off. NC: Because of this, I'm going to do my Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count! (A caption appears below, reading "FACES EATING YOUR SOUL WHILE YOU LOOK AT THEM COUNT", along with a picture of one such face. The counter quickly raises to 1, as we are greeted with a terrifying freeze-frame of Charlie, with Satanic sounds playing in the background) NC: (visibly terrified) Oh, that's a good one to start off with. (Cut to Charlie Bucket looking at the shop, and meeting up with Tom and Jerry) NC (vo): Charlie totally ignores the fact that free candy is being handed out, and instead stops Tom from eating Jerry. Charlie: '''I had to do that. I couldn't let you eat that poor mouse. Things can't be that bad, can they? '''NC: (points angrily) Hey, don't you encourage that! We all know where this mindset leads! (We are shown the "Friends to the End" song from ''Tom and Jerry: The Movie)'' Tom and Jerry: (singing) ''The greatest gift in life's a friend! ''(Cut to a clip of George C. Scott from the film ''Hardcore)'' Jake VanDorn (Scott): (grabbing head in agony) TURN IT OFF! (Cut back to today's film) NC (vo): Charlie feels bad for the both of them being hungry, so he gives them the bread that he was going to give his family. NC: Well, wait, then how does the later scene go? (Cut to the aforementioned scene of Charlie greeting his grandparents) Charlie: Grandpa George, Grandma Georgina, Grandma Josephine, Grandpa Joe.'' (Charlie leans forward violently)'' Cabbage soup? (NC flinches and lets out a frightened scream) NC (vo): Could you lean forward with a little less intensity? Charlie: I'm tired of cabbage water. Tonight, we're gonna have a real banquet. (produces loaf of bread) ''I had two of them, but I gave one to some new friends. '''NC: '''So, George and Georgina will still eat the shitty cabbage water, but the rest of us, we eat like royalty! ''(Cut to a scene of Tom and Jerry attempting to break into the candy store. The truck of the store is shown driven by a bulldog) '' '''NC (vo):' Tom and Jerry want to repay Charlie, so they try to sneak into the candy store and steal a crate of Wonka Bars. Thankfully, the delivery man is a dog... NC: ...because coherent realities are dumb. (We see Tom and Jerry later returning the candy to the store, while covering the bulldog guard with chocolate and sending him flying with two bottles acting like rockets) NC (vo): Charlie, of course, tells them it's not right to steal, and they should return it. They put the crate back, while breaking and entering, and beating the crap out of the staff, breaking several more laws to account for one misdemeanor. NC: (impression of Claude Frollo) My conscience is clear! (We see Charlie at school) NC (vo): Meanwhile, like in the film, a big announcement hits the school. Mr. Turkentine: What's going on out there?! (He opens the door, revealing a boy who's posing like he's on a fashion runway) NC: Kid, were you just waiting at that door for someone to open it? NC (vo): You look like you've been practicing that pose for hours. (Cut to NC making several theatrical poses before settling for the one the kid in the film makes) NC: Yeah, this one's good. Kid: Willy Wonka is opening up his factory! You gotta buy Wonka Bars to find the tickets! Mr. Turkentine: Class dismissed! NC (vo): After Charlie fantasizes about killing them... (Clip of Charlie making a horrifying face whose only place is within the ninth circle of hell) NC (vo): ...killing them all... (long pause) ...Tom and Jerry recommend they steal again that crate they stole before. Charlie: No, it's not right, guys! (Tom and Jerry start beating their heads against the wall) NC: Funny fact, this is the artists' interpretation of what Hanna-Barbera would think of this film. (Tom and Jerry continue beating their heads against the wall) NC (vo): You know the drill: four kids find the Golden Tickets: Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, Mike Teavee, and Violet Beauregarde. Violet: When I heard about this Wonka thing, I switched to chocolate, but then, I went straight– (She is interrupted by the NC's obvious fear of her demonic facial expression) NC: (flinches) Oh, that's another creepy face. (Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count raises to 2, with yet another freeze-frame and more Satanic chanting) NC (vo): And, at last, the fifth one is found by, to be fair, a pretty humorous cameo. Droopy the Dog: (in Mexican attire, holding up a Golden Ticket) I've never been happier. Olé. NC: Not only did they work in a Droopy cameo, but they also worked in a Mexican stereotype to go with all the other stereotypes! NC (vo): Tom and Jerry recycle bottles to get some money to buy a bar... NC: ...that got me wondering how payment to animals works in this ecosystem... NC (vo): But the coin falls down the drain, only to be picked up by Charlie. NC: By God, all of that was needed! (Cut to Charlie buying a Wonka Bar with the coin at the candy store) Bill: One Wonka Bar it is! NC (vo): And, of course, it's from the crate that Tom and Jerry had hidden away. (Cut to Charlie seeing a news report, showing Droopy being arrested by police) News Reporter: (speaking on a television set) The fifth golden ticket is a forgery. Alberto Minoleta has just been taken into custody by the police. NC: Okay, as funny as that was, I am a little disturbed to see Droopy in cuffs. NC (vo): Could he get the chair for this? NC: If animals can make a living, I have no idea what the laws are like in this world! NC (vo): Charlie, naturally, opens up the bar, finding the last Golden Ticket... after another creep face. (Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count rises to 3, of course not without a freeze-frame and Satanic chanting) NC: It's Scrum-Satan-lyumptious! NC (vo): As you probably guessed, Slugworth stops him, and tells Charlie all about how he wants him to get an Everlasting Gobstopper from Wonka. NC: But this time, there's three big differences. NC (vo): One is, he's German. Slugworth: (in a thick German accent) You must get a hold of an Everlasting Gobstopper and bring it to me, so I can find the secret formula! NC: We have one of those stereotypes already, thank you. (picture of Augustus Gloop is shown) NC (vo): Two, he moves like the skeleton of a pink elephant from Dumbo. Slugworth: (while moving around spastically) The Everlasting Gobstopper. If he is successful, he'll bankrupt me! NC: I think there's too many creepy faces to count for this one. We'll just do a cliff-note. (A slideshow of many frightening Slugworth faces, with the Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count rising to eight, and of course more Satanic chanting) NC (vo): Third, and – it's not easy to say this – strangest of all, he sings Veruca Salt's song "I Want It Now!" Slugworth: (singing) ''I want it all! '''NC:' (visibly confused) What? Slugworth: (singing) I want his whole world! (Slugworth continues singing as NC becomes increasingly more flabbergasted) Slugworth: (singing) I want to lock it all up in my pocket, it's my bar of chocolate! NC: Why are you playing this here? It only ruins the song later when you play it again! NC (vo): Also, the other kids didn't get a song! What makes Charlie so special? In fact, doesn't it make him see even more how untrustworthy this guy is? It makes no sense! Slugworth: (singing, also he is now apparently graffiti on a wall for some reason) I want the works! I want the whole works! The world on my plate, it isn't too late... NC: I'm so glad kids finally have a Nickelodeon version of Pink Floyd's The Wall. NC (vo): (doing a SpongeBob impression) Squidward, we don't need no education. (laughs like SpongeBob) Slugworth: (singing) Don't care how, I want it now! NC (vo): But Charlie sinks him down the sewer, because his life is a joke, and he shows his family the ticket, causing that faker Grandpa Joe to finally start walking. Grandpa Joe: (standing up from bed) ''I'm fine, Charlie, I'm fine. Look at me! ''(after no distinct pause whatsoever, he suddenly starts singing) I never thought my life could be... NC (vo): Whoa, now that was a segue! NC: (as Grandpa Joe) Oh, I'm fine, Charlie, I'm fi– LOOK AT ME! (singing and dancing) I never thought my life could be / Anything but catastrophe... (as himself) You're kind of acting like you knew it wouldn't. NC (vo): Thank God we have Tom and Jerry fighting over this momentus occassion. (As Grandpa Joe sings "I Got a Golden Ticket", throughout, we see Tom and Jerry chasing and fighting each other as usual, and we don't see much of Grandpa Joe dancing and singing) Grandpa Joe: (singing) 'Cause I've got a Golden Ticket! (spoken) It's ours, Charlie! Here I go! Watch my speed! NC: Yeah, I can't watch your speed, because you're not showing it! NC (vo): Clearly, this movie wanted this miracle of healing to focus on violence and maiming! NC: If I just showed you this scene... (We are shown an image of an angry Tom holding a slipper as we see the shadows of Grandpa Joe and Charlie on the wall behind Tom) NC (vo): ...would you think it's about a man who could walk again, or the three of them committing a murder? NC: And don't let the fact that you're welcoming death influence you! (And we go to a commercial. When we come back, we cut to the big day, showing the five kids and their carers waiting to go into the factory) (Editor's note: This part of the transcript before this part below has not been written yet) (Tom, Jerry and Tuffy begin riding on the small boat) NC (vo): They get into the boat, and sure enough, they go through...the tunnel. NC: Okay, movie, I'm not gonna lie. (becomes excited) This is the one scene I'm looking forward to. NC (vo): I just have to know: How does insanity depict insanity? (The famous image of the original Wonka in the tunnel is shown) ''What does a reflection of a reflection look like? '''NC:' You can't have the balls to have them... (Images of the following are shown) ''chop off a chicken's head or say "the fires in Hell". I actually have no idea what's in... '''NC (vo):' ...that goddamn thing! And I'm surprisingly excited to see your interpretation of it. (NC clears his throat, slaps his face, and takes a deep breath) NC: Okay... (stays silent for a moment) Okay, go. (As Tom, Jerry and Tuffy ride in the non-stop colorful tunnel, Tuffy, looking hypnotized, suddenly starts singing) Tuffy: There's no Earthly way of knowing... NC: (starting to get creeped out and interested) ''Um, they're having ''Tuffy the Mouse do this scene? Tuffy: There's no knowing where they're rowing... NC: Are they actually saying the whole poem? Tuffy: Is a hurricane a-blowing? (Several images appear on the tunnel walls, including a giant robot and a barking toy dog) ''Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing. '''NC:' Was that a toy dog in the background? Tuffy: Are the fires of Hell a-glowing? NC: (stunned, slaps his head) ''Oh, my God! He said it! He said the word "Hell"! It's officially in a Tom and Jerry cartoon! '''Tuffy:' (speaking louder and crazier) ''Is the grisly reaper mowing? Yes! ''(Tom and Jerry, and NC, become frightened as Tuffy, now going fully crazy, says the last line) And they're certainly not showing ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!! NC: THIS IS AMAZI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ING!!! (Tuffy lets out a loud and EXTREMELY crazy scream, before the boat suddenly stops, sending Tom, Jerry and Tuffy flying into the Inventing Room. NC puts his hands down, completely shocked and stunned) NC: Did that really just happen?! No joke, this might actually be more insane than the original! (An image of the boat scene in the original is shown, before showing this movie's version of the scene) NC (vo): The first one had people's fears. It wanted to scare and frighten them. This has a toy dog, an Ooompa Loompa who's also a mouse, a kid mouse, with a cute little lisp, in a Tom and Jerry cartoon where they say the word "Hell"! NC: Don't get me wrong! I know Gene Wilder is terrifying in the original...but look at this! Tuffy: ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!! NC: LOOK...AT...THIS! (Tuffy screams loudly and crazily) NC: I'm...not saying this is better than the original, not by a long shot. But I am saying, it's crazier...and it's kind of the best thing in the movie. (The Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count appears again when the clip of Tuffy screaming is shown in slow-motion) NC: We don't need that. It goes without saying. Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Editorials Category:Content Category:Guides